This month we have had plenty of adversity hurled at us and many blessings. A time when one of the most difficult mountains to climb financially is coming up and frankly, it's too big to climb alone. I have to believe in the unseen and in the midst of this trial is the unwaivering feeling that I couldn't do anything else but what I am doing now, what I was created to do. Years of doing many things that I have been successful with to a point and enjoyed mastering but never as natural as what I do now, everyday, every moment without regret.
God has restored me. I grew up wondering how I survived my first three years of life and because I was unwanted by my parents I also wondered why God allowed me to live, what was the purpose. Of course it is hard to imagine a God that loves you and wants you when you have suffered rejection from a mother and a father. Parents after all convey acceptance or rejection, relationship skills and bonding and we learn from our parents. I learned I was not wanted. From my adopted family I learned I was defective and should be grateful that they took me in the first place. God, according to most church teachings, drives home the point that myself and others are not worthy of God's grace or Jesus's sacrifice even though when we accept Jesus we are forgiven and born again with a new spirit.
God has restored me. I'll admit it has taken years for me to rise above all the negative thoughts and feelings of rejection. I am happy to say I know why God blessed me with life and didn't allow the circumstances of my birth and childhood to steal that life or extinguish it. What's more God never abandoned me. The closer I press into Him the more I know He was there all along.
My new life is one that moves and changes by the moment and every moment is in His presence. He is with me when I work in the barn with His creatures and shares in the joy of the simplicity of my stewardship over the farm and all it's inhabitance. He has raised a daughter with me. He has loved me for who I am and has revealed to me that I am good and worthy of His love.
I can't imagine the path I am on not being what I was destined for and so I trust in Him to deliver, to overcome, and to provide. Whatever His will for me I know I was created in His image and have found the life He created me for.